When Harry Met Fatty

Oh, think twice.  It’s just another day for you...you and me in paradise.  Couples Retreat starring Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman, Kristen Bell, Kristin Davis and Cee Lo’s stunt double. Oh the notion of divorce bears bitter fruit. Jason Bateman and Kristin Davis announce to their married friends that they are pulling a Kramer v. Kramer.  And can you blame ‘er? In a last ditch effort to save their marriage, they redeem a Groupon rate to the tropical isle of Eden. However, there are no Jet Skis to be had. We will be bickering and bargaining, squabbling and fussing, and would you like some more scorn with your emotional bulldozing? Vince Vaughn’s motor-mouth of comedy will drone on and on like the oversized fan off the back of an Everglades Air Boat. Cee Lo gets naked, Vince Yawn is preyed upon by lemon sharks, Charlotte from Sex and the City bumps uglies with Fabio the yoga instructor and we all are reminded about such fine products as Guitar Hero, Starbucks, Power Point, Foot Locker and Applebees. Spoiler Alert, they get their Jet Skis, but after this Groupon, we’ll need to get a GroupOFF!

When you get dumped, go get yourself a nice hot dish of Dunst.
2001’s Teen Rom-Com GET OVER IT starring Ben Foster, Kirsten Dunst, Colin Hanks, Martin Short and Sisqo. Yes, the one and only Sisqo of “Thong Song” fame.
Ben Foster’s first love has left him for the arms of a boy band poseur, who has the audacity to speak English the right way...with an english accent. When they try out for the school’s production of Midsummer Night’s Dream, high school jock Ben Foster puts down his basketball, puts on a leotard and turns to the smell of the greasepaint and the roar of the theater freaks for some cold comfort. His spirit is willing but his craft is weak.  Kirsten helps him out and, honest to Bard, they fall for each other. However, the course of true love never did run like a smoothie! Her older brother Collin Hanks is Ben’s best friend and Ben himself wins the role of his ex-girlfriend’s lover in the show.  Lawd, what fools these mortals be! It’s going to take a lot of sex clubs, dance sequences and parties where people puke in the punchbowl to help our Ben restore amends.  Just try and get over this, if you give a Puck!  

Think global, act local and always remember to buy MORGANIC, because did you hear?  Did You Hear About the Morgans? starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Hugh Grant, Sam Elliot and Mary Steenburgen. Come watch these city-pretties put the WHY in Wyoming.  SJP and Hughie-G are both suc-wealthful in all of life’s endeavors, save for their marriage, which is estranged at best. They witness a murder and get placed into Witness Protection, forced to live out the rest of their lives as Mr and Mrs Bumpkin, C/O Bumble Fuck Boulevaard in Boondock, Backwatersville USA.
Don’t worry, almost nothing happens.  Sure, they shack up with the town Sheriff and his colorful gun-toting wife, but they keep leaving them alone to work out their differences.  There is a bear, a town fair and a rodeo, and the killer who is tailing them eventually catches up...but by then you’ll realize that instead of watching this, you could just go to your local Outback Steakhouse and sit in a booth near a couple whose arguing on their Tenth anniversary.  It would be the same experience, except you’d get a tasty steak.  Or if you’re like Noah, who’s vegan, a couple of Bloomin’ Onions, hold the dip.   
Did you hear about the Morgans?  Yes Dear.  Unfortunately we did.

This week Fatty goes to prom with PRETTY IN PINK (1986) starring Molly Ringwald, John Cryer, Anthony McCarthy, Harry Dean Stanton, and James Spader. This is a John Hughes film about the first Ginger to ever break through our Separate But Equal Freckle Barrier. Poor little non-orphan Andie really digs Richey-Bitch Boy Blaine... but WILL THEY GO TO PROM TOGETHER??? 

We play with records, lip-synch to Otis Redding, make a bunch of mom-shaped dresses and punch a locker in rage.  In the end, we find ourselves at prom, making a choice that will fuel decades of pop-culture warfare.  And wasn’t she easy?  And isn’t she pretty in pink? Dave delivers his Prom decree while Noah gives some helpful advice about maintaining that moral compass that lives with the little man in the boat who fishes between the canyons of your thunder thighs. Have a safe prom fatties, and remember, we may not be pretty, but Goddamn us if we can’t tickle you pink!  

Avoiding the Noid?  Unless he’s a TimeCop, he’ll never find you in 1988!  So sit down and join us for a slice!  Annabeth Gish, Lilli Taylor, Julia Roberts, and a pre-to-mid-pubescent Matt Damon will keep you company as you snuggle under a blanket of carbohydrates!  Brrrr!  The winds of change blow hard here in the port town of Mystic, CT.  Annabeth Gish is on her way to becoming Yale Material, until she takes a job babysitting for an Architect who owns a mysterious Nautical telescope, along with his other assorted Dark Materials. Lilli Taylor is a runaway bride, with the bug from M.I.B hot on her trail and Julia Roberts Eats, Prays and Loves her way to happiness with a wealthy wayward law school dropout who likes to throw darts while drinking. All are kept in check by the sassy maid from Two and a Half Men, who puts the Mystic Pizza Parlor on the map with her secret pizza sauce ingredient.  Let’s hope it’s glass.  Or Philip Glass!  

Dave assuages Noah as he comes to terms with his fear of wasps. Noah and Dave argue over what to eat before bogeying off to Mystic, CT, where a drunken chase through The Maze-a-saurus awaits!  Along the way, Dave takes a detour to Haunted Honkey Town and Noah reveals what all the REAL slutty girls put on their walls. Dave makes Halley super jealous with his Cocktail Corner, but it’s her fault, she’s cold as ice and only comes around every 76 years! Thanks for Listening and keep coming back to When Harry Met Fattty, a podcast that fulfills all your comet joke needs.   

Double down on your Bubble Trouble board game! Where we’re going, you’re gonna want to keep those dice inside their Popo-Matic dome!  What Happens In Vegas starring Ashton Kutcher, Cameron Diaz, Dennis Miller, Queen Latifah, Zach Galifianakis and the ectoplasmic residue of every desperate heart that was dashed to pieces in that city of neon and lies.  Ash and Cam-Dizzy get drunk, get hitched and are about to ditch their shared marital status when one of them wins 3 million at a slot machine.  A judge sentences them to 6 months hard marriage before they can split the winnings and we get sentenced to ninety more minutes of this crap before we get to make like a banana.   

They’re not Marooned, they’re just morons.  Amanda Bynes, Chris Carmack, Fred Willard, Kathy Griffin and Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air team up with the man who brought you Blue Lagoon and Flight of the Navigator!  Amanda Bynes pines for the affection of Pop Legend Jason Masters and corners him on a private party yacht.  They both go overboard and wash up on a deserted island...or is it?  Jason is hobbled and can’t move.  Luckily he has his number one fan to tend to his every desert island need.  This movie is basically Stephen King’s Misery rebooted as an Archie comic come to life!  Now go on and watch it, you dirty birds!  

Hail to the Holmes, she’s our nation’s First Daughter, Hail to Joey, that hot chick from Dawson’s Creek.  Hail to this flick that came out in Twenty-Oh-Bore, Her dad was Batman and her mom’s from ID4!  
Katie Holmes, Marc Blucas and Michael Keaton star in this Romulan-Com about our nation’s First Daughter and her pointed attempt to flee the coop and cut those presidential apron strings.  Her father’s up for re-election and Katie’s up for some Thirsty Thursdays and hoochie-coochie bartop dancin’!  But how can she have a normal college life when her not-so-secret service men are on her tail?  They’ll have to keep an eye on her, or risk chasing liberty -oops...that’s another movie.  Or is it?  

This is certainly one doodle that can’t be undid.  Remember 2007?   Bush was on his way out and our brains were fried over-easy on a home skillet called Juno, starring Ellen Page, Jason Reitman, Jennifer Garner and the color orange. The story is simple:  Girl meets boy, girl gets preggo, and girl Leggos her baby to some super well-off peeps.  Then girl decides to re-meet boy.  All in a semester’s work, half pint!

Eddie Money doesn’t want to let you go ‘till you see the light..and we don’t want to let you go ‘till you see this flick.  That’s right folks, they all can’t be stinkers!  Take Me Home Tonight Starring Topher Grace, Anna Faris and Dan Folger.  It’s the late Eighties, mateys, and Topher, who’s a recent graduate of MIT (yeah you know me), is working at Suncoast video, refining his quarter life crisis. He runs into his former highschool crush and accompanies her to a Labor Day party, lying about what he does for a living.  A BMW is stolen, cocaine is consumed, dance offs are had and some P.Y.Ts get busy on a trampoline. Party Hardy, Marty!