Dave and Noah say goodbye and Good Luck Chuck! This film stars Dane Cook, Jessica Alba and your worst migraine!

At the age of ten, Dane Cook gets cursed by a Goth girl at a party, forcing him to live a life of always being the "one" right before any woman finds her ONE. After meeting Jessica Alba he decides he can't lose her to the next guy.  There are lots of boobs in this.

Dave and Noah take a walk down Fatty lane.  Come join us for this extendo episode! Thanks for listening!

Direct download: Goodluckedit.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 12:00am CST
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Come visit your Uncle Noah.  He's so lonely!  

unclenoahs.com

twitter.com/unclenoahs

facebook.com/unclenoahs

Experience Entertainment Weekly like never before...

Direct download: unclenoahAD.m4a
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:40pm CST
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This week Dave and Noah just can’t keep a secret, The Secret of My Succes$! This 1987 Rom Com stars Alex P. Keaton himself, Michael J. Fox, along with Helen Slater and Richard Jordan.

Fox is just a country boy from Kansas who moves to New York with dreams of becoming the next Donald Trump, a Trump with an even bigger propensity to screw family members.

When his first job falls through, he calls his uncle who happens run a multinational conglomerate just down the block.  He gets a job in the mailroom and falls for Helen Slater, a real blue plate special who works in accounting. The boss’ wife throws herself at him while he takes over a vacant office, creating a fake personae that starts making great strides within the corporation.  But falling stocks, a hostile takeover and an even more hostile libido of a horny aunt all conspire to ensare our wily Fox.  Will the secret of his success be strong enough for a man, but PH balanced for a woman?


Dave and Noah talk about how to range the Night, the film Ruthless People, a time to kill, love in an apple-crater and Dave’s new band Horny Aunt Vera. Thanks for listening!

Direct download: sec2suckfinal.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 9:54am CST
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This week Dave and Noah sing Que Sera, Sera with Michael Cera in 2009’s crap trap Youth in Revolt. It stars Cera, Portia Doubleday, Zach Galifianakis, Ray Liotta and Steve Buscemi. After swindling a bunch of sailors, Zach Galifianakis has to take his girlfriend and stepson, Cera, on the run to Clearwater, CA. While they are hiding out in a trailer park, Cera falls head-over-heels with Portia Doubleday, the girl next door. When it comes time to leave, Cera arranges to win the favor of Doubleday through a series of juvenile delinquent acts that will get him kicked out of his mom’s house and lead him back into arms of his trailer park princess. In order to accomplish this, Cera must create an alter ego named Francois to show him the ropes in juvenile debauchery. Que Cera, Cera, we hardly knew yee!


You’ll never guess what Dave and Noah have hidden in their closet! Plus, the topics of this week’s podcast: the color of Steve Buscemi’s parachute, Jonah Hills we’d die on, and a palette cleanser that is neither cleansing nor palatable.

Direct download: youthinrevfin.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 7:07pm CST
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Dave and Noah hop into a shoe closet time machine with Jennifer Garner and set the Flux Capacitor to 13 Going on 30, starring the Alias spy herself, Mark Ruffalo and Judy Greer. 

On the day of her 13th Birthday, Jennifer Garner makes a wish to be Thirty, Flirty and Thriving, just like the models in her favorite magazine.  A shoe closet and some novelty wishing dust Rip Van Winkle her 17 years into the future.  She's Thirty and Thriving all right, but flirting with amnesia!  She's a big time magazine editor whose somehow lost touch with her childhood best friend, Mark Ruffalo.  She has to get him back and take the nearest closet out of this alternate timeline, and quick, before she's 30 going on Botex!  

Dave and Noah are podcasting stealthily from a housesitting job in St. Paul. Shoe hoarding, Magazine rivalries, Golden Retrievers named Ruby and how to get rid of two corpses whilst handing out candy for Trick or Treaters are some of the many things discussed in this episode. Let's do the Time Warp Again!   

Direct download: 13goingon30edit.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 7:04pm CST
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No dave. 

Noah goes Nanners Nanowrimo style. 

Plus, we read the Katy Perry issue of Entertainment Weekly. 

Direct download: finalfallowfin.m4a
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:21pm CST
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This Halloween Dave and Noah experience love at first bite! After they finish their Hershey'sn KitKat bars they watch 2013's Warm Bodies starring Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, John Malkovich, and that awesome dude from Hot Tub Time machine.  

The little boy from Nick Hornby's About a Boy is all "growed-up" and wearing Edward-Twilight-white-face for this daring romantic comedy about a zombie that puts down the brains for a beautiful blonde. This film turns Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet on its severed ear, giving us a Julie (Teresa Palmer) whose creepily powerful dad (John Malkovich) doesn't want her messing around with those goddamned Z-words, no matter how cute and red-hoody-licious they are. Join us as we witness the making of an inter-mortal relationship.  We've got corpsey-fever! We've got corpsey-fever!

Dave and Noah get fierce and flawless as they put their fashion skills to the test by giving Hollywood's classic monsters the makeover of their dreams!

Michael Cera jokes are made and we belatedly mourn the passing of Dostoevsky.  

Direct download: Warmbodsedit_2.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 10:22am CST
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This week Dave and Noah make a deal with the Devil of all remakes: 2000's Bedazzled, starring Brendan Fraser, Frances O'Connor and Austin Powers' Fembot wife Elizabeth Hurley!
Brendan sells his soul for seven wishes, and he uses them all for the love of his office crush, Frances O'Connor. Elizabeth Hurley plays the Prince of Darkness but even her 19 different costume changes of hotness can't make this terrible terrible movie any more bearable. If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, then this movie is heaven-sent!
Noah makes a deal-a-meal with the Devil in Dave, Dave gets possessed by Tone Loc, and we reveal how to make a Pet Cemetery work for YOU!
Direct download: Bedazzfinal.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 5:18pm CST
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This week Dave and Noah discover that there’s always room for J-LO!  They are subjected to 2001’s The Wedding Planner which stars Jennifer Lopez, Matthew McConaughey and Bridgette Wilson-Sampras.

Former In Living Color Fly Grrl J-Lo has put down the cross-colors and picked up a palm pilot, becoming San Francisco’s premier wedding planner. However, the only thing she couldn’t plan for was falling in love with the groom of one of her biggest clients!  That’s right, chollo, our former Maid in Manhattan is fare-hopping her way onto the McConaughey express, but not before the evil blonde bride Bridgette Wilson-Sampras can put a stop to it!  

The stakes have never been higher than medium rare. 

Dave and Noah plan each other’s weddings. And we ordain the next Sausage Queen.

Direct download: Wedplanedit_2.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 4:52pm CST
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Dave has gone Dodo. 

Noah celebrates a happy Falloween.  Beware, he has library stories that will make you clutch your bookmark in terror!

Direct download: fallowlibhorror.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 1:07pm CST
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This week Dave and Noah take a joyride, but not with '91 Swede-rock sensation Roxette,  they join the two Coreys in a Caddy for 1988's License to Drive, starring Corey Haim, Heather Graham, Corey Feldman and a bottle of champagne so big, you'll never be able to fit it in your glove compartment!

After flunking his written test for a driver's permit, Corey Haim gets asked out by the hottest Roller Girl in California.  She's got a brand new pair of rollerskates and he's got the keys to his Grampa's precious Cadillac.  But will he be able to get caddy back to his daddy in one piece? 

Dave shares his surefire methods of study for any student receiving a driver's education. Noah let's his inner gearhead shine and we pay tribute to a Corey who was put in Haim's way.

Direct download: licensetoedit_2.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 4:11pm CST
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This week Dave and Noah BUG OUT on 1986's Lucas, starring Corey Haim, Kerri Green, Charlie Sheen, Wynona Ryder and Jeremy Piven.  What Corey Haim lacks in social skills, he more than makes up for in his love for bugs!  While out on one of his entomological quests, he comes across one damn fine specimen: Kerri Green, the new girl in town.  He falls for her, but school begins and she yearns to take to the fields as a cheerleader. Corey joins the football team and endures a heap of homoerotic torture just to earn her love...but her heart has taken a shine to wide receiver Charlie Sheen. Winning!

Dave flies to Burbank, California to interview the composer of Lucas' score. Noah suffers PTSD from having to watch a movie that involves sports. 

Direct download: Lucasfinal.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 6:11pm CST
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This week Dave and Noah take the McDreamy Express back to sKool!!!  1987's Can't Buy Me Love stars Patrick Dempsey, Amanda Peterson, Seth Green and Malachai from Children of the Corn!  Before he became Dr. McDreamy, Patrick Dempsey was 'lil McSpazzy, and through a convenient turn of events he secretly pays the most popular girl in his high school one grand to date him for a month.  Popularity, sex, and a snazzy Columbus Day dance ensue, only to quickly succumb to a miscalculated tsunami-esque abundance of emotions, feelings and boring-ass intimacy. A young and annoyingly precocious Seth Green couldn't have said it better, "Something stinks in Suburbia."

Dave and Noah share who they would like to rent for a month and Dave gives us a Palette Cleanser that puts the "ore" in "Whore"!

Direct download: cantbuyedit2.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 2:37pm CST
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Dave is at a Rave. 

Noah meets Royalty. 

Direct download: fallowew1276.m4a
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:11pm CST
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This week Dave and Noah crash the party of last century!  Can't Hardly Wait from 1998 stars Ethan Embry, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Seth Green and an assortment of other poor souls who have since succumbed to the Y2K crisis at the turn of the century.

In order to earn her Ghost Whisperer wings, Jennifer Love Hewitt breaks up with the most popular stud in school.  Hearing that Jennifer is footloose and fancy free, Ethan Embry takes it upon himself to put out the torch that he's been carrying for her his entire highschool career.  He will pour his heart out to her at the Graduation Kegger that's raging at Molly's house. However, like the Hotel California, this party may have some brewskies on ice, but every person attending is a prisoner of their own device! 

Dave gives some sage advice to the class of 1998. Noah consults Wikihow for the what, when and where of life.

Direct download: Canthardfin.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 2:25pm CST
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This week Dave and Noah get their "just desserts" by watching Just One of the Guys from 1985. This poor man/woman's Tootsie stars Joyce Hyser, Clayton Rohner and "Johhny Lawrence" the Cobrah Kai bully from Karate Kid!

Joyce Hyser almost has it all: a bangin' bod, a college boyfriend to bang her bod, her own swimming pool, a friend that wears Cosby sweaters and a sexually precocious little brother.  However, her life can't be complete without a Summer internship at the Phoenix SunTimes.  When her english teacher Mr. Raymaker chooses two boys over her for the coveted position, Joyce decides to literally grow a pair and submit her application as a man at a neighboring highschool. Gender Bender hilarity attempts to ensue, delivered unto us by a chariot of 80's pop synthesizers. 

Dave and Noah head to the Warren family farm to ready their back to school supplies lists. Tucked away in the dark hills of River Falls, Wisconsin, they are far from the reach of any surprise jock inspection. 

Direct download: Justoneofedits2.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 10:40pm CST
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This week Dave and Noah put down their food diaries and pick up The Nanny Diaries, starring Scarlett Johansson, Laura Linney, Paul Giamatti, Captain America and the ebony of all ivory: Alicia Keys!

How far will Scarly Jo go to find herself this summer? Having just graduated with a degree in Anthropology, she randomly gets offered a job to be a nanny for Laura Linney's Upper East Side Strife.  Minding a precocious brat whose parents alternate between being perpetually bitchy or lecherously horny to her, Scarly Jo soon catches the eye of Chris Evans, a Harvard Hottie who lives in the same building. Can his honky-but hunky love lift her up where she belongs? Only her Ethnic Best Friend Alicia holds the Keys to that quandary.

There once was a Nanny named Dave, who minded a cruiseship of knaves....Noah becomes your ethnic best friend.  

Direct download: NanDiedit_2.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 6:19pm CST
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This week Dave and Noah get a case of the "grumpies" and head over to Wabasha, MN  for 1993's Grumpy Old Men.  This is the conclusion of our Four part Summer series Fatty Goes Local, where we celebrate all Rom Coms related to Minnesota.

Grumpy Old Men stars The-Odd-Couple-turned-Old-timers Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau. These two are proof positive that you don't need a family to have a feud, just a neighbor. Having spent decades feuding over the love of one woman, (who oddly enough isn't in the picture), Matthau and Lemmon find new realms in their contempt for each other after Ann-Margret moves in next door. Madison, the mermaid from Splash pops up in this, to give us a palette cleanser from all the liver spots.

Noah tells us why we must avoid Lake Pepin. Dave gets blinded by a date, revved up like a deuce, which, in turn, makes him another runner in the night.

Direct download: grumpyedit_2.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 11:31am CST
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Dave has turned around bright-eyed and isn't available. 

Noah has a birthday and the worst first week of being 34. 

Listen closely for the breakdown, right after the closing theme. Its a stolen moment of for reals. 

Direct download: EW1271edit.m4a
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:54pm CST
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The dreck of the Nineties is alive in Dave and Noah's psyche as they suffer through 1999's She's All That starring Minnesota native Rachael Leigh Cook.  This is part 3 of our summer series Fatty Goes Local, where we celebrate the fruits of our state's talent pool. Or talent-lake perhaps? 

With Eight weeks left of his high school career, big-man-on-campus Freddie Prinze Jr. gets dumped by Harrison High's most popular prom queen. Freddie wagers with his buddies that before the end of the school year he can turn any girl of their choosing into prom queen material. Enter Rachel Leigh Cook, Harrison High's most "hideous" art nerd, who, dig this, wears her hair in a ponytail and hides her peepers behind...GLASSES!

Uh Freddie, you're gonna need a bigger corsage!

Dave talks about how he became a potato farming Mormon for a year and Noah shares a story about how he once drove 20 miles to see a theatrical showing of Josie and the Pussycats...by himself. 

Direct download: Shesallfinal.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 10:25pm CST
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Dave and Noah abstain from using their brains during this week's rom-com 40 Days and 40 Nights, starring Josh Hartnett, Shannon Sossamon and Maggie Gyllenhaal.  This is the 2nd installment of our annual summer series Fatty Goes Local!! This week we put on our "heartlights" for St. Paul, Minnesota's hunk-a-saurus honkey Josh Hartnett.

Ever since he's learned that his recent ex-Noxzema model of a girlfriend is engaged to be married to an even bigger douche, our boy Hartnett finds it hard to enjoy all the biore strip models he's taking to hump mountin'. He gives up all sex (including masturbation) for 40 days.  But like the Klingons say, abstinence is a dish best served while wearing a Hartnett!

Dave has an aneurysm over Hartnett's choice in star-humpery.  Noah dishes some super outdated gossip on the man whose harbored many a pearl with his lucky number sleven.

Direct download: 40d40edits_2.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 3:51pm CST
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Fatty goes local!  Dave and Noah take a staycation and visit New Ulm, MN for this week's movie New in Town starring Renee Zellweger, Harry Connick Jr., and every extra that was passed over for the Cohen Brothers' Fargo.

Zellweger is a Miami hotshot clawing her way up the corporate ladder. She is assigned to downsize a plant in New Ulm, MN. This is a town full of secrets, most of which involve Blanche Gunderson's mysteriously tasty batch of tapioca pudding. It's like Fried Green Tomatoes, but without the Southern heat, Klu Klux Klan and charmingly implied cannibalism.

The town fireman kindles a fire in Zellweger's squinty, squinty eyes, but he's a country boy and she's a Cosmo-terian. How will they ever see eye to eye?  The secret's in the tapioca!

Dave goes local with his palette cleanser and gets a history lesson on the Dakota War of 1862. In keeping with the way Renee Zellweger prepared for Bridget Jones' Diary, Noah put on 20 lbs for this episode! 

Direct download: newintownedit2.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 12:45pm CST
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There is no dave, only Noaaaaahhhh!

Noah gets the best crack in town from a moose. He then reads from the scripture of last week's double issue of Entertainment Weekly. 

Direct download: ew1266_1227.m4a
Category:comedy -- posted at: 9:56pm CST
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Dave and Noah break out the calamine lotion for this week's rash from the past, The Seven Year Itch starring Marilyn Monroe and Tom Ewell.  Ewell is a middle-aged New York publishing exec with an overactive imagination.  Having just sent his wife and kid away for the Summer, he comes home to find a pinup-girl-turned-Toothpaste-model renting the space above his place.  He's got the only air conditioner in existence and she's gotta lotta heat.  A chance encounter involving a tomato plant brings her downstairs, with a bottle of bubbly and a hankering for a ride on his amazing baby grand piano bench. We all spend the rest of this flick watching Marilyn Monroe get blown.  By air.  Various, random gusts of air.  Because if Tom Ewell won't make a move, nature will.  Nature always finds a way. 

Dave talks about how Marilyn reminds him of his grandma and Noah invents a new term called "The Subway Bidet".  Move over Jared! 

Direct download: sevenyearedit_2.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 7:11pm CST
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Dave and Noah get KRAKEN on this week's Greasy Rom Com My Life in Ruins, Staring Nia Vardalos, Alexis Georgoulis, Richard Dreyfuss and the ancient ruins of the ACRAPolis!

Nia Vardalos is praying to the wrong Gods.  After her main man dumps her and she gets laid off from being a professor of Greek History, she is doomed to a lifetime of giving tours of the ancient land that has broken her spirit.  But a mysterious new driver is willing to teach her a thing or two about how to get her own ancient ruins back up and ruining! And Richard Dreyfuss tags along to provide some much needed mirth that doesn't involve alien encounters, 20 foot sharks or a great american opus.

Dave tells a tale of a tour that involved South African Graveyard hijinks.  Noah remembers how he once thought that working next to the Grand Canyon might make him look thinner.

Direct download: ruinsedit_2.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 9:32pm CST
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Dave and Noah get "spirit-fingered" by this week's romantic comedy Fired Up! Starring Nicholas D'Agosto, Eric Christian Olsen and Sarah Roemer.

Eric and Nicholas are two high school football jocks who con their way into Cheerleader Camp for the girls, for the glory and for the gonorrhea!

Dave has eaten his cheerios and is filled with the spirit of the mighty pom-pom while Noah quizes him on his knowledge of Cheer history.  

Direct download: firedupedit.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 1:41pm CST
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No Dave. 

Noah drinks and podcasts from his closet, then loses his "shirtless virginity" with a panda-shaped man. 


Direct download: Fallowrub.m4a
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:58pm CST
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Dave and Noah duck and cover under their nearest apocalyptic Rom Com: Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, starring Steve Carell and Kiera Knightly. It is the year 2021 and humanity is about to go the way of the dinosaur. In 21 days asteroid "Matilda" will hit earth.  Applebees restaurants are offering skinny margaritas along with their ecstacy laced orgies, Patton Oswalt is trying heroin and getting tail left and right and Steve Carell's wife has just run out on him.  He helps his neighbor, Kiera Knightly, find a way back to her family in exchange for her help in finding his first ex-girlfriend, the "initial one who got away". Along the way they discover that the end of the world is just the beginning...of their true heart's desire! 

Noah puts Dave in the Chuck Klosterman Closet and makes him answer hypothetical questions. Dave says goodbye to Dunder Mifflin. 

Direct download: seefriendedit.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 11:09pm CST
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She could never be your woman but she'll always be Catwoman. Dave and Noah take a break from doing The Batdance and sit down to watch Michelle Pfeiffer and Paul Rudd do what only Ashton and Demi could pull off: Spring-Autumn relations.  2007's I Could Never Be Your Woman begins with a period. Michelle Pfeiffer's daughter is well on her way into womanhood while Michelle herself is slowly exiting through the gift shop. She is a writer for a teen show called You Go Girl who can't get over the former love of her life, played by Jon Lovitz, a man who left Catwoman for a kitten. Paul Rudd joins the cast of You Go Girl, and charms his way into Pfeiffer's ancient kitty-liter box of a heart.  But loving Paul Rudd is not easy, especially when you have Tracey Ullman playing Mother Nature, reminding you that 1999 called and it wants you to check the expiration date on your uterus. 

Dave and Noah earn the Boy Scout grey badge.  Come hear their tales of how they both had once fallen and couldn't get up from the clutches of elder-love! 

Direct download: Icouldneveredit.m4a
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:34pm CST
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Good Morning Fatty Listener.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves two stars, one past their prime and the other playing essentially their own batty self (you discern which is which). You may have seen this movie before, since it involves a secret agent trying to woo a vapid blonde in exotic locales such as Salzburg, Austria and the Witchita International Airport. Knight and Day (2010) stars Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. You have 23 minutes to complete this mission, and as always should any member of your team be caught or killed the Podfather Ira Glass will disavow all knowledge of your actions. This message will self-destruct in five megabytes. 

Dave and Noah board the Cam Dizzy Tom Cruise and set sail for intrigue!  Noah plays Truth or False with Dave regarding Katie Holmes' ex-hubby and Dave finally finds the love of a lifetime, a love to last his whole life through. Spoiler alert, it's C.I.A Oprah. 

Direct download: knindayfinal.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 11:11pm CST
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When Dave is away, all Bette's are off!

Lifes a Beach and then you fallow. 

Direct download: fallowbette.m4a
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:33pm CST
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Larry Crowne once caught a fish "thiiiiiissss biiiiiig"!  This week Noah merMAKEs Dave watch Splash!...and we aren't talking about the reality TV game show on FOX.  We're talkin' Tom Hanks, John Candy, Eugene Levy, and a Mermaid Darryl Hannah that, from the look of her "bocci balls (!)", isn't so little!

This is one dilly of a sea pickle.  Throughout his life, Tom Hanks has never learned how to swim and he keeps falling overboard and getting rescued by a mysterious naked Darryl Hannnah who lives off the shore of Cape Cod.  After one of his more recent near drownings, he loses his wallet and she claims it, using it as her guide to find his apartment in New York City. Turns out she's a mythical Mermaid on Mermaid Rumspringa and she has only six days to decide whether to return to her life of Cape Cod underwater lifeguarding or become a bonafide bloomingdale's bedecked landlubber. Explaining all this to Hanks, whilst simultaneously knocking booty with him is complicated, to say the least.  However, Eugene Levy is on her trail (or should we say tail) to expose her true identity.  Grab some tartar sauce and go easy on the garlic bread, cuz like Red Lobster, we're gonna sea food better! 

Dave warns the world of sea urchin idenity theft and triathlon treachery. Noah reminisces of his former days of being a happy little tadpole.

Direct download: splashedit_2.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 12:44pm CST
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Dullness hath no fury like a Weather Girl scorned! Dave and Noah take cover from 2009's Weather Girl, starring Tricia O'Kelley and Patrick J. Adams. After having a meltdown on air that goes viral, Seattle's former morning news weather girl has to move in with her brother to "weather the storm" of a bad breakup. She falls for her brother's best friend, who lives in the apartment next door. However, he is six years her Thirty-five year old junior.  A fish and a bird can fall in love, but where will they build their nest? Since its Seattle, it probably doesn't matter, since its always partly cloudy with a million percent chance of rain. 

Dave and Noah explore fifty ways to leave your employer.  And bodies are invaded, and perhaps, perhappenstance snatched in a Dark and Stormy manner.  Somebody call Stormin' Norman! 

Direct download: wetgrledit.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 11:05pm CST
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NO STRINGS ATTACHED, along with your retinas, after you see this piece of Rom Com! Dave and Noah delve into the Ashtray of Ashton Kutcher to retrieve the second "friends with benefits" movie of 2011. Ashton Kutcher is the son of a popular TV legend who has a habit of screwing the Kutch-dog's former girlfriends.  Ashton starts humping the nearest nurse who will take pity on him, namely Natalie Portman, who's taking a break from a life of Tom Cruise Control and Queen Padme Star Wars duties. They ask themselves the question of "can women and men be friends?" in the most intrestlingly way possible: by having copius amounts of sexual intercouse. The answer is, as always, what is your domestic box office gross gain? NO STRINGS ATTACHED, along with morals, candor and class! 

Dave calls upon one of his Mr. Writer Bombastic friends to redo our logo.  Noah talks about how he got his mom drunk once to design the original podcast logo.  And we all take a pause to recognize the incredible endeavors of Mark Rapacz. 

Direct download: NSAedit.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 7:51pm CST
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Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream...and WE have MCDREAMY!

Join Dave and Noah as they tuck into a deep dish of Dempsey with a side order of Patrick.  That's a tall order for a short fry, but that fry is MADE OF HONOR from 2008, starring our main man Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan. Dempsey, a wealthy man of leisure, is the toast of the town tom cats. Michelle Monaghan is the one woman he hasn't slept with, ergo, she is his most intimate confidant. When she leaves for a temporary work trip abroad he realizes that she is the love of his life. Upon her return, he is about to propose her when she reveals that she is marrying Scotish royalty and would like him to be her Maid of Honor. This McDream has turned into a McScream. 

Dave and Noah share how they would live if they were Dempsey for a day and we finally uncover the truth about what lies beneath a certain Loch in Scotland.

Direct download: MOHedit.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 6:25pm CST
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Time moves in one direction and this movie moves in another! This week Dave and Noah synchronize their Casio wristwatches to TiMER (2009) starring Emma Caulfield, John Patrick Amedori and Michelle Borth. It is the year 3,000ish and every twenty-something has the option of having a TiMER installed in their wrist.  A TiMER is like a more portable, more sentient version of the online dating site OK CUPID. This device simply gives a countdown to the day you will meet your one true soul mate.  Some people (the super slutty ones) have countdowns that span decades, while some (the super-duper slutty ones) have a countdown that is a matter of hours. Emma Caulfield's TiMER is blank and it will remain blank until her soulmate gets with jiggy with the Joneses and has one installed. In the meantime she dates a grocery cashier who has a timer that will go off in three months, but his free spirit teaches her that true love has no ETA...which strangely enough is ATE backwards.  Now I'm hungry. It's tater-tot time! I'd better set the timer on the stove... 

Dave has a misadventure at Big Top Liquor while Noah wishes he was watching Big Top Pee-wee, the sequel to Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. 

Direct download: TiMEReditfin.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 12:28am CST
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Now BOREding for takeoff, it's OVERNIGHT (2012) starring Rachel Blanchard and James D'Arcy.  This is one redeye that will make you wish you had pinkeye!  Rachel is departing from Splitsville, CA, when a chance encounter with a banjo playing Physics professor causes her overnight flight to become an overnight delight!  Their relationship TAKES OFF at the speed of sound, but before their hearts can reach great new heights, they have a helluva lot of baggage to check.  But this is nothing that a little papa smurf fetishising can't fix...or is it?  When the rubber meets the tarmac, our James D'Arcy physics professor, who specializes in string theory, is going to wish he specialized in rope theory, because she's slipping away!

Dave tells a harrowing tale of going to San Diego while leaving his Manatee in Phoenix. Noah beholds a Zach Galifianakis in Arab-face. 

Direct download: overnightfinal.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 1:06pm CST
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Dave is off helping blind women throw clay pots on a pottery wheel.

Noah makes a twenty minute correction to the fallow episode from 2/22. 

Direct download: Fallowbeach.m4a
Category:comedy -- posted at: 10:05am CST
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 Call off the jesters, for this week fatty gives you the royal treatment with 2004's The Prince & Me. This crown jewel may be shiny, but beware, beneath yonder garb there be ginger-haired inbreeding! Starring Julia Stiles and Luke Mably, this franchise, (part one of four) begins upon a time when a series called "Girls Gone Wild" existed. Heavy weighs the impending crown of Prince Mably, who finds the royal Danish floozies dreadfully triflesome and boring.  Whilst channel surfing one afternoon, Prince Luke Mably spies an ad for "Girls gone Wild" being brodcasted from a land called Madison, Wisconsin. He cuts off his royal ties and travels to the land of Milk and Packers whereupon he becomes enchanted under Julia Stiles' anal retentive spell. She's a pre-med farmgirl who has an unfortunate mental deficiency in knowing how to doff her top, even when ordered by a Danish Prince in disguise! Be that as it may, even though she's a little bit country and he's a little bit rock'n'roll, they find it in their hearts to love each other so! But HARK! The King of Denmark has fallen ill and the Danish Paparazzi are hot on this couple's heels!  Will his pauper's charade become a plague on both their houses? Alas! Anon! Arrivederci!

Dave does a hundred pushups and Noah talks about how he once made flesh payment to the Dark Lord of Deli Meat & Frozen Yogurt.

Direct download: PnMEfinal.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 8:39pm CST
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It's Dave and Noah's very first GUESSISODE.  The first part of this episode is recorded with our predictions of the plot, then we watch the chick flick and spend the rest of the episode on suicide watch, you dig? This week we prognosticate License To Wed starring John Krasinsky, Mandy Moore and the MORKster himself: Robin Williams! Mandy wants a traditional Cat-Lick weddin' but their priest is anything but traditional.  Or even kitten-lickin' good at his Jason Priestly duties.

He is going to put them through the ringer and I'm not just talking anal. They even have to raise a pair of robot babies.  It's totally Blade Runner, if Ridley Scott had played too much pro-football in his youth. The rest of this movie is so bland that even an appearance from Wanda Sykes only briefly turns it from bland to caramel, and then back to bland. But we all learn a few things about ourselves, especially when it comes to finding a good place in your apartment to hide all of your sharp objects. Better head down to the Department of Marital Values, cuz it's time to renew your License to Wed!

Noah tries to shake his memeory of Robin William's darker work in One Hour Photo and Insomnia while Dave looks into leasing a very cherry 2007 Mandy Moore. 

Direct download: lic2wedfin.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 9:28pm CST
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Fatty is now leaving Forks, Washington, population: zzz, zzz, zzz. The end of a saga is upon us as Dave and Noah are subjected to The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part II, starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner and a breakfast burrito worth of CGI found in George Lucas' Roomba. K-Stew has a new attitude: she now sucks blood instead of screen time, but the salad days of her new marriage are over.  Her and R-Pat have been accused of committing the most heinous of all vampire crimes: upstaging Dakota Fanning with a younger, more cuter baby vampire who could give Honey Boo-Boo a run for her pharmaceutical grade Flintstone Vitamin Uppers. So once again every freak who could give a frack in Forks has to band together and help K-Stew and R-Pat go stand in a field to face off the Voltori, a supreme court team of Draculas from Italy. However, since this world lives and dies according to Stephenie Meyer's magical Mormon underwear, there are no outlandish rulings or even epic battles. People just stand and stare at each other, letting their thoughts do the heavy lifting. Just what this story needs...more staring! 

Dave tells his story of watching this movie in a discount theater full of Dakota Fannings. Noah brings up maple syrup and we all try to pretend that Jacob isn't really that into babies.

Direct download: breDp2edit_2.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 8:21pm CST
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Dave is on a farm in upstate New York. 

Noah watches Teen Wolf Season Two and listens to his jams. 

Direct download: fallowlistfinal.m4a
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:25am CST
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Valentine’s Day is like a box of chocolates, you never know which one will cream all over your face. Fatty rings The Girl Next Door starring Emile Hirsch, Elisha Cuthbert Timothy Olyphant and Paul Dano. Hirsch is a straight-A senior gunning for a scholarship to Georgetown. His straight A’s take a turn to straight “V’s” when a new girl moves in next door to him and goes to town on his george. Metaphorically, of course, these are high schoolers for Pete’s sake! After they’ve been dating a spell, Hirsch finds out that her former line of work involved hoochie-coochie-peeping-Tom-foolery with the cameras and the fluffers and disco lights and whatnot.  Plus, she has a skeezy producer who wants to pull her back into that risque buisness.  What’s a goody straight-laced-two-shoes with everything on the line to do?  The answer lies in the purest meaning of the phrase “if you can’t beat ‘em, join em!” and boy does he!  

Dave has a brand new pair of rollerskates and George Saunders has a brand new key. Noah spins a yarn that involves him being a Maid in Mr. Movies.  MAID!  ...MAID!

Direct download: GNDedit.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 8:29pm CST
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This sequel is a drag. Literally.  Miss Congeniality II: Armed and Fabulous stars Sandra Bullock, Regina King, William Shatner, Ernie Hudson and a whole bunch of drag queens.  Picking up a mere two weeks after the tumultuous events that took place at the close of Miss Congeniality, Sandra Bullock finds that returning to work at the FBI is turning out to effin' be AY-yi-YI!  Her reputation and celebrity preceeds her, causing her cover to be blown which gets her partner shot. (Bullock is a fantastic moving target). After her boyfriend dumps her, Bullock's boss, (Winston from Ghostbusters), shacks her up with a gay make-up bag whisperer and she becomes the new face of the FBI.  Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation shows up and kidnaps William Shatner and the Queen of Miss United States, holding them for ransom.  Bullock wants back in on the investigation side of the Federal Bureau, but she has public relations, and, more tragically, a sassy black body guard to contend with before she can save her pageant pals from the evil Ron Swanson. This movie is a lazy susan of intrigue, wacky disguises and the ghastly cashing in of cred. If you want your living room to feel more like the waiting area of an intensive care unit, then put this movie on!

Dave reckons this movie is worse than Smiley Face, an Anna Farris picture that we reviewed back in November of 2011. It used to be our worst pick ever, but now Dave is willing to let it go with love.  Noah wears his crying bra.   

Direct download: mcon2final.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 8:05pm CST
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Drawing a blank? Well she DREW BARELY MORE than one when trying to remember her last true kiss. 
Never Been Kissed starring Drew Barrymore, David Arquette and that sexy dude from Alias.

Drew Barrymore is an uptight copy editor with a checkered high school past who yearns to be a reporter.  One day she gets an opportunity to go undercover as a highschool student to write her first article about
how kids these days REALLY live.  Determined to rewrite her past, Drew never expected she'd be copyediting her future, a future with a dashing, yet soulful kindred spirit, who happens to be HER ENGLISH TEACHER!  Don't stand so close to this one, fatties, cuz she's never been kissed and his kiss is on her LIST!

Dave yearns for those glory days when he was a jock who could bully nerds on their own level: through chess.  Noah perfects his sunny surfer girl drawl. Almost.

Direct download: NeverBKedit.m4a
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 6:53pm CST
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No Dave. 

Noah Mourns the passing of a local legend. 

And he gets drunk and tells the tale of a worst week ever. 

Direct download: Fallowadvice.m4a
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:41am CST
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Get this couple some velcro, cuz they seem to have trouble tying the knot!  The Five Year Engagement, from 2012, stars Jason Segel, Emily Blunt, Chris Pratt and Alison Brie. Jason is a chef and Emily is a gal who's practically made-to-order for him!  They get engaged and she gets an offer for post graduate work in Michigan.  They push their wedding date back two years and Jason quits his San Francisco treat of a Sous Chef job to follow her to the Great Lake State.  Only the state of their relationship is not so great, especially when Emily's program gets extended another three years. Chris Pratt and Alison Brie provide some background antics to the foreground glacial erosion of Emily and Jason's relationship.  It's like watching paint dry and somehow feeling emotionally scarred by the whole ordeal...as if you were once felt up by an Uncle Hirshfields and now every day ends with you figuratively painting yourself into an emotional corner. Paging Wilson Phillips, we need to BREAK FREE FROM THE CHAINS!!!

Dave talks about forming his own Dead Poets Society with apathetic culinary students and Noah wonders if a Lane Bryant catalog could've gotten Osama Bin Laden off.

Direct download: fiveyredit.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 6:37pm CST
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More like 27 messes!  Katherine has been dreaming of her wedding since she was a low-gl. But before this low-gl can become a Heigl who's happily betrothed, she is cursed to walk amongst the pomp and circumstance of matrimony 27 times over, serving many a Lord draped in white and satin. Her sister comes to visit and seduces her only romantic interest, (her boss), out from under her.  They fall hard and fast, asking Heigl to officiate their wedding, which will be in three weeks. Meanwhile a rogue reporter, James Marsden, has taken it upon himself to profit from Heigl's plight.  He's assigned  to cover the impending nuptials, However, his secret expose´ won't be the only thing that's black and white and red all over. All aboard!  Grab your slippers and your cat, this train's headed to Cliche Bay, population LOVELORN.  

Move over Chris Gaines and Sasha Fierce! Dave has his own alter ego named Skittles.  Don't pee on her leg and tell her it's raining, because Judge Judy is on!  Noah reveals his ideal wedding, and it will haunt your dreams.   

Direct download: 27dredits.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 5:13pm CST
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Wedding Bells, this film smells, Ashton laid an egg!  Ring in the new Millenium for the Thirteenth time by watching JUST MARRIED starring Ashton Kutcher, Brittany Murphy, and the French Alps!  Ashton is a radio traffic announcer and Brittany is just a rich girl who’s gone too far, (but you know it don’t matter anyway), by marrying Kutcher and taking him on the Honeymoon from Hell. These two may be young and blessed with perfect skin (Ashton looks like a Gelfling from Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal), but the gods of matrimony have cursed them eternal postnuptial kerfuffles. Ashton accidentally kills Murphy’s prized puppy and lies about it while Brittany accidentally sleeps with her ex-boyfriend.  Luckily, he’s stalking them as they traverse the French Alps into Venice.  But don’t worry, this movie made a lot of money. It made so much money.  

Dave talks about his New Year’s Eve exposure to secondhand fried food and Noah reveals the most efficient way to become fluent in Old English.  Move over Rosetta Stone!

Direct download: jumarfin.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 7:59pm CST
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