Get this couple some velcro, cuz they seem to have trouble tying the knot!  The Five Year Engagement, from 2012, stars Jason Segel, Emily Blunt, Chris Pratt and Alison Brie. Jason is a chef and Emily is a gal who's practically made-to-order for him!  They get engaged and she gets an offer for post graduate work in Michigan.  They push their wedding date back two years and Jason quits his San Francisco treat of a Sous Chef job to follow her to the Great Lake State.  Only the state of their relationship is not so great, especially when Emily's program gets extended another three years. Chris Pratt and Alison Brie provide some background antics to the foreground glacial erosion of Emily and Jason's relationship.  It's like watching paint dry and somehow feeling emotionally scarred by the whole ordeal...as if you were once felt up by an Uncle Hirshfields and now every day ends with you figuratively painting yourself into an emotional corner. Paging Wilson Phillips, we need to BREAK FREE FROM THE CHAINS!!!

Dave talks about forming his own Dead Poets Society with apathetic culinary students and Noah wonders if a Lane Bryant catalog could've gotten Osama Bin Laden off.

Direct download: fiveyredit.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 6:37pm CST
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More like 27 messes!  Katherine has been dreaming of her wedding since she was a low-gl. But before this low-gl can become a Heigl who's happily betrothed, she is cursed to walk amongst the pomp and circumstance of matrimony 27 times over, serving many a Lord draped in white and satin. Her sister comes to visit and seduces her only romantic interest, (her boss), out from under her.  They fall hard and fast, asking Heigl to officiate their wedding, which will be in three weeks. Meanwhile a rogue reporter, James Marsden, has taken it upon himself to profit from Heigl's plight.  He's assigned  to cover the impending nuptials, However, his secret expose´ won't be the only thing that's black and white and red all over. All aboard!  Grab your slippers and your cat, this train's headed to Cliche Bay, population LOVELORN.  

Move over Chris Gaines and Sasha Fierce! Dave has his own alter ego named Skittles.  Don't pee on her leg and tell her it's raining, because Judge Judy is on!  Noah reveals his ideal wedding, and it will haunt your dreams.   

Direct download: 27dredits.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 5:13pm CST
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Wedding Bells, this film smells, Ashton laid an egg!  Ring in the new Millenium for the Thirteenth time by watching JUST MARRIED starring Ashton Kutcher, Brittany Murphy, and the French Alps!  Ashton is a radio traffic announcer and Brittany is just a rich girl who’s gone too far, (but you know it don’t matter anyway), by marrying Kutcher and taking him on the Honeymoon from Hell. These two may be young and blessed with perfect skin (Ashton looks like a Gelfling from Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal), but the gods of matrimony have cursed them eternal postnuptial kerfuffles. Ashton accidentally kills Murphy’s prized puppy and lies about it while Brittany accidentally sleeps with her ex-boyfriend.  Luckily, he’s stalking them as they traverse the French Alps into Venice.  But don’t worry, this movie made a lot of money. It made so much money.  

Dave talks about his New Year’s Eve exposure to secondhand fried food and Noah reveals the most efficient way to become fluent in Old English.  Move over Rosetta Stone!

Direct download: jumarfin.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 7:59pm CST
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I put my hand up on your hip, when you dip, I dip, WE DIP! Serendipity, starring John Cusack, Kate Beckinsale, John Corbett, Molly Shannon, Jeremy Piven and Eugene Levy. Fatty spends Christmas Eve in a department store with Cusack and Kate, who are fighting over the last pair of cashmere gloves in existence. Kate ends up having to buy him hot chocolate for the gloves but Cusack ends up getting a steaming mug full of hot air about fate, destiny, and free will. They exchange numbers via a five dollar bill and a 1st edition copy of Love in the Time of Cholera. The bill is spent on a pack of Certs and the book is sold to a used bookstore. If either one of them happens upon each other's phone number, then it is fate telling them to move Heaven and Earth to find each other.  Smash cut to three years later. Both of them are engaged to other people, living on opposite sides of the country, having the worst case of cold feet. They make one last ditch effort to seek each other out, only to find that fate has a massive hard-on for pulling them together and keeping them apart. Serendip? More like just the tip!
Christmas break is upon us at Fatty studios and Dave talks of his planned trip to New York to take that Olsen Twins New York Minute movie tour.  Noah talks of his past adventures in kitty sitting. Merry Christmas!

Direct download: serenedityfinal.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 10:56am CST
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Sweet Mandy Bynes, BUM-BUM-BUM- good times never seemed so androgynous...From the year Two-Thousand and SEX comes a tale of female to male...She’s The Man, starring Amanda Bynes, Channing Tatum-tots and David Cross.  

Be sure to top off your gender blender with some peach schnapps, cuz we’re gonna make one helluva shake outta Shakespeare.  Inspired loosely by The Bard’s Twelfth Night, this rom com is about a soccer playing Tomboy who impersonates her twin brother in order to make first string on an all boy’s soccer team.  Along the way, she falls for the team's striker, Magic Mike who wants her to fix him up with her hot chemistry lab partner, who’s bunson only burns for the faux boy Bynes. Warning, this flick features graphic scenes of honesty, emotion and caring...about soccer.

Dave shares stories of divorced parent trickery and Noah reveals what he and his mother unearthed whilst decking their halls.

Direct download: shemanedit.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 10:54pm CST
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Warning: the week’s episode features full frontal Brittany!  Hide your bangers and mash, Dave and Noah review 2006’s Love and Other Disasters Starring Brittany Murphy, Matthew Rhys and Catherine Tate.  Brittany has just graduated from the Madonna Academy of Fake British Accents and she lives her life one Breakfast at Tiffany’s at a time.  She’s obsessed with Holly Golightly and she drapes herself (literally) with gay men, working as an intern at UK Vogue. However, the world can only have so many fruit flies for her to play matchmaker with and when she nets a tall dark and mansome one at work, she thinks she's found the ultimate gay dude for her to marry.  Yes, we are serious.  She's in the market for a homo hubby.The only problem is, this dude is a breeder who just wants to feed her some good old-fashioned love, American style, with a side of extra heterosexuality, because, like King Midas, everything this chick touches turns to gay.  She is like a heavenly body that supernovas gayness every ten minutes, creating galaxies of gay in her path,all she sees is gay and in the words of John Lennon all you need is gay.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Like Bob Dylan, Dave's gone electric! His first young adult ebook, The Ragged Mountains hits the mobile marketplace just in time for the fiscal cliff!  Noah shares a wonderful memory about the Nineteen-Nineties situation comedy Blossom

Direct download: lovedisasfinal.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 12:51pm CST
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It's National Novel Writing Month and Noah goes nanners. 

Direct download: fallowrimo.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 12:28am CST
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This week Dave and Noah forget to hang the Do Not Disturb sign and they are subjected to MAID IN MANHATTAN from the year 2002.  Starring Jennifer Lopez and Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes), this rom com is MAID to order!  J-Lo is just another ethnic survivor of the plight of inner city plot contrivance.  She works at a swanky hotel where she raises her son, MTV's future TEEN WOLF Tyler Posey, and while trying on the latest fashion of one of her guests she gets mistaken by Ralph Fiennes as one of the rich-bitch guests.  Ralph is running for senator, and he's campaigning for a place in J-Lo's pants, but she can only offer him turnover service because she's a lowly maid in ManHELL.  Alas, we are all fooled by the rocks that she got.
Dave and Noah celebrate Thanksgiving by updating their gratitude Journals.  Dave is thankful for a mummified maid he had when he was just Davy from the block. Noah is thankful for his days he spent toiling in the Cuntry Inn.Happy Thanksgiving.  May it be Maid in Man-turkey-lurkey!

Direct download: maidinfinal.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 10:22am CST
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Reach for that tiara and tell Honey Boo Boo to shoo, because this week Dave and Noah are in it to win it!  From the turn of this Century, we review Miss Congeniality starring Sandra Bullock, Benjamin Bratt, William Shatner, Candice Bergen, and Michael Caine!  When a creepy serial killer threatens to make the Miss United States Beauty Pageant end in a BANG, FBI special Agent Sandra Bullock must go undercover as Beyonce’s alter ego Sasha Fierce!  This stirs up desires that her field partner and mission leader Benjamin Bratt never knew he had, mainly because when it comes to crime and punishment, tomboy Sandra has Bullocks that are too big for the both of them!  Time is running out and so is the double stick tape for the swimsuit competition!

Dave and Noah report live from Midway Lanes in St. Paul, MN where this year’s MISS MIDWAY Pageant is underway!

Direct download: MsConfinal2.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 1:40pm CST
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In just ten days Kate Hudson must be a chooser, a user and a loser!  Dave and Noah are inoculated by 2003’s How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days starring Kate Hudsuckerson, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Lennon and Bebe Neuwirth. 

Kate Hudson is your average blonde New Yorker... meaning she is required by several city ordinances and federal mandates to write a column for some publication and be on an endless quest to fulfill the whimsies of her heart’s desire. After her dowdy best friend gets dumped bigtime, Kate is inspired to hold an experiment: She will catch a man and drive him away in 10 days utilizing all of the mistakes her friend and most average dowdy sistah friends make when dealing with the male persuasion. 

Matthew McConaughey is a Ad man for Douche Digest and in order to win a huge client he must wager that he can make a woman fall in love with him in less than 10 days. By forces of nature swirling within the Lipstick Jungle of NY, they meet and do their darndest to make with the love/hate relate!  Come watch this elaborate multimillion dollar excuse to see Matty McConman half naked in various predicaments!  

Direct download: howtoloseedit.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 4:19pm CST
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