These broads are the ultimate Femme FAIL-tells.  Comin' atcha from 2006 with chopsticks, its JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE starring Jesse Metcalfe, Brittany Snow, Jenny McCarthy, and Ashanti. (Gesundheit) 
John Tucker is the star Basketball player who dribbles in hoop schemes instead of hoop dreams.  He's been taking his ball to multiple courts, and by courts I mean fine-ass hottie-boom-blotties. A cheerleader, a Tracy Flick, and a vegan chick who've all been simultaneously dumped by JT pool their resources and plan the gruesome demise...of his heart!  They gussy up a new girl and coach her in the rules of Tucker.  They even give her a boob camera. Sadly, the only boobs we see in this are us, the viewers who got "tuckered" into this, on Halloween, no less.  Boo-ha-ha-ha-ha! 
 
Noah tells a tale of sister revenge that would make Quentin Tarrantino wet. Dave reads a very spooky short from his collection called "Heart Rot."
Direct download: JTuckfinal.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 1:19pm CST
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Bye bye Ms. American Bynes, drove your crazy to the levee but the levee was dry. Dave and Noah travel back in time to see Amanda Bynes take Walt Disney's Snow White to a whole new level. 2007's Sydney White stars The Royal Bynesness herself, along with Sara Paxton, Matt Long and Danny Strong. It's going to take a continent's worth of woodland critters to help gussy up this retread of a Grimm Fairy Tale.  Amanda is off to school to follow in her dead mother's sorority footsteps, only to find that the Queen Bee of the Kappa house will stop at nothing to put her to death...in a social sense.  After throwing her out of the pledge coronation, Sydney gets taken in by seven dorks who live in overflow student housing.  The Queen of the Kappas, who's running for class president, is fixing to demolish their house unless one of them will stand up and run against her.  With the help of her fellow dorks, and the supportive yet lovingly bland hand of Tyler Prince, the Queen Bee's ex-boyfriend, Sydney will have to take the "Heigh" road on this blond "Ho". 

From a beach in a bikini next to K-Stew, Dave offers stirring words of encouragement to Amanda.  Noah cleans the Koi pond out back. 

Direct download: SydWfinal.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 7:03pm CST
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Coo-coo-ca-choo, Mrs Robinson, Coo-coo-ca-choo!  This week Dave and Noah bask in the aftermath of 2005's Rumor Has It... starring Jennifer Aniston, Mark Ruffalo, Kevin Costner and Shirley MacLaine.

Decades after the release of The Graduate, the chickens have come home to roost...and boy do they get to cluckin' with some hot gossip. Newly engaged Jennifer Aniston has never felt a connection with her family.  While attending her younger sister's wedding, she finds out that her late mother had an affair with a mysterious man who would later, rumor has it, (ahem), go on to inspire the plot of The Graduate. This causes Aniston to believe that she is his daughter.  As she tracks him down, she slowly realizes that she is doomed to repeat all the boring events that caused her forefathers to be the talk of the town in the first place. This isn't a remake. 

Words cannot describe what this is. 

They. 

Should've.          sent...a poet.

Dave has a cold. Noah dishes some "fresh" dirt on Rock Hudson.  And then we dance with wolves.

Direct download: RHIedit.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 6:45pm CST
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Noah says goodbye to one of his best friends, Block E. 

Direct download: blockeeeee.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 6:45pm CST
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Oscar winner Sandra Bullock gets OSCARRED Straight in this 2009 disaster ALL ABOUT STEVE, starring the Blindsider herself, Bradley Cooper, Ken Jeong and Thomas Hayden Church.

Sandra is just your typical free spirited crossword puzzle writer who marches to the beat of her own cryptic clues.  Her parents set her up on a blind date with News Cameraman Bradley Cooper and it is love at first…well, whatever a five letter word for looking is. They get busy doing a four down, seven across on each other in his van when he realizes that she’s a few Pringles short of a good party. He fakes a phone call and goes on assignment across the country.  She loses her job and decides to grab the news by the pulp of its print; she goes on a road trip chasing after Steve on each of his assignments.  It’s kind of like Smokey and the Bandit, only instead of beer, it’s just bad jokes.

Dave writes a song of murder and channels the ghost of Sandra Bullock’s mother. Noah gets his first kiss…from a DEMENTOR! 

Direct download: AASedit.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 11:37am CST
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The best part of waking up is Harry Ford in your cup!  Dave and Noah review 2010’s Morning Glory starring Rachel McAdams, Harrison Ford, Diane Keaton, Patrick Wilson and Jeff Goldblum.  
Rachel is just your above-average redhead with all the pluck and none of the luck!  After getting fired from her gig producing Good Morning New Jersey, she shakily lands a job running Daybreak, a failing morning show full of mothballs and forget-me-LOTS. After firing the host, she has to break Harrison Ford out of contractual carbonite and force him to show us how to make frittatas and report the breaking news of mourning traffic. Luckily, Ford’s old co-worker Patrick Wilson will be there to seductively guide McAdams in the ways of Ford, a “Dan Rather-not!” of a man who BELONGS in a MUSEUM!  Network cancellations loom, tempers are tantrumed, chubby weathermen are exploited and journalists get jiggy with each other... All before 9 a.m!  

Dave goes into a Harrison Ford Fugue state and Noah designs a sun salute routine for Rachel McGriddle.

Direct download: mogloedit.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 1:18pm CST
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Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl star in the ultimate Spy versus WHY!?! Dave and Noah review Killers from 2010.  Heigl ain’t havin’ it when she’s stuck on a vacation with her lame parents, Tom Selleck and Catherine O’Hara.  They fly to Nice, France where half-naked Kutchers dance. While trying to fulfill a super top secret contract killing, Ashton meets Heigl at the hotel and decides to give up the ghost protocol once and for all.  They marry, settle down in suburbia and perform some missionary impossible that results in some serious babyfication of Heigl’s grey anatomy. Of course, every time he pulls out, they keep pulling him back in.  A bounty is placed on his head and suburbanite sleeper cells are activated.  It’s raining moles by the bowlful in a flick that’s My Blue Heaven meets Knocked Up meets The Bounty Hunter meets the Stepford Knives in your eyes, in your ears and any other place you use when its time to Get Smart.

Dave explains how fellas can get some sour patch without having to raise the roofies and Noah starts talkin’ Walken.  Christopher Walken.

Direct download: Killedit.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 9:44am CST
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Don't listen to this.  Don't speak of this. If you stay still, Chatty Fatty might stop talking.  

Direct download: fallow2.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 2:58pm CST
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Fatty turns Fifty and its fantastic, wrapped in plastic!  This week we review 1987's Mannequin, (starring Andrew McCarthy and Kim Catrall and Estelle Getty), a romantic comedy that explores man's ultimate PIMPelicious ideal of a relationship:  Andy McCarthy is a true artist and navel gazing biscuit brain.  He crafts a mannequin that gets possessed by the spirit of an Egyptian princess who died 4,000 years ago.  The only catch is, the mannequin is real only when they are alone. Their love can only exist when no one else is looking. Pretty soon, department store politics come between them and they must decide: will Andy trade his heart for a dame called reality?  A reality that is porous and extremely biodigradable?  Or will he throw caution to the wind and rescue that oversized barbie doll from the world's largest Mannequin shredder? In the words of Eighties rock band Starship

"And we can build this dream together standing strong forever nothing's gonna stop us now". 

Dave reveals what 50 shades of Rom Com have done to him.  Noah simply says "you again!". 

Direct download: Manequedit.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 2:17am CST
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Diane Lane is DYING to take the fast lane to Johnny's heart!  Must Love Dogs starring Diane Lane and John Cusack is the paw that breaks David and Noah's back in our final fatty four part series of THE DOG DAYS OF SUMMER!  

Diane Lane is a forty-something woman who's former husband got the goldmine while she got the shaft!  Her overbearing sister creates a personal ad for her with an imperative that her suitors MUST LOVE DOGS. And while every dog must have its day, Diane finds an easy lay from a sexy dad, (Dermot Mulroney) and an eccentric boat maker (John Cusack).  Who will be the first to bury their bone in this broad's backyard? Tune in and find out! 

Noah retells some URBANE legends and Dave acquaints us with his first best friend Prancer.  Fly Pepper, Fly! 

Direct download: MluvDgsedit.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 1:46am CST
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