The Truth is...only Gov. Jesse Ventura really knows. Welcome to When Harry Met Fatty’s first multi-episode special The Dog Days of Summer, where we devote all of August to rom coms that feature man’s best friend. Our first installment is 1996’s The Truth About Cats and Dogs where we witness how low Janeane Garofalo can go.  She’s the Rush Limbaugh of Veterinarian radio hosts who lives next door to Uma Thurman, a model / actress.  When a handsome listener pays a visit to the radio station, he mistakes Uma for Janeane and asks her out. The rest of the movie is spent inanely trying to whiten one of the whitest lies of all: Does this Cyrano De Bergerac routine make me look fat?!?

Dave suffers Noah’s revisionist re-enactment of his former days as a cruise ship employee and we wet our dog whistles with a salty dog.

Direct download: TACDfinal2.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 12:26pm CST
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Anna Feris wants to know your sleep number. LITERALLY!  Twenty Eleventy's What's Your Number stars Anna Feris, Chris Evans, Andy Samberg, Joel McHale and Chris Pratt. When her latest boyfriend dumps her after refusing to accompany her to her younger sister's wedding, Anna makes a pact that the next man she sleeps with will be her last.  You see, she's teetering on nearly a SCORE of past lovers and her Polly Prissy Miss Fancy Panties Magazine says that women who've wet more than twenty wicks in their lifetime are emotionally incapable of marriage.  So, of course you know the saying...when you make a pact, God laughs and then shows you Joel McHale's back-sack. Anna breaks her pact by sleeping with Mr. Talk Soup and now she must backtrack and revisit her old score of B.Fs, hoping against hope that one of them can clean up nice and be marriage material. Luckily, she lives next to Captain America, who's willing to aid her in her quest to find the best EX of her life.  But with the First Avenger rescue her heart in the process? Renew your subscription NOW and receive our FREE football phone to find out!

Noah reaps what the Smiley Face episode hath sown and The Great Oppegaardo graces us with his uncanny abilities. 

Direct download: whanumfinal.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 8:52pm CST
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Comedy, Party of None, there will be a 104 minute wait for your table! 

No Reservations (2007), starring Catherine Zeta-Jones, Aaron Eckhart, Abigail Breslin and Patricia Clarkson.  C-Z Jeezy is really good at staying in the kitchen and making sandwiches of sass for her unruly patrons.  When her sister dies in a horrendous car wreck, she inherits a cage-free newly orphaned niece, who's quite the emotional handful!  Meanwhile, back at the grill, her staff is slowly being taken over by the charms of her replacement chef, Aaron eechhart. When he came on the scene, Zeta ate a pie, with an ample side of humble!  This kitchen isn't big enough for the both of them, and in order to make room, we'll have to eat our hearts out!  It just goes to show you that life isn't always made to order and if you can't stand the heart, get out of their kitchen!

Noah, a recovering latchkey kid, reveals his fantastic time travel plans and Dave forms a Dead Poet's Society with a classroom of Pillsbury doughboys, all-the-while eating from a bag of beef jerky called "DARE". 

Direct download: noresfinal.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 3:06pm CST
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Stop romancing that stone and pack your bags, we’re going on a VayHECHEion for Six Days and Seven Nights!  This Ivan Reitman rom com features no bakeries, coffee shops or bookstores, just Harrison Ford and Anne Heche surviving in the isles of the South Pacific, exploring the true adventures of the human heart.  Mayday!  Mayday!  Anne Heche is about to marry Ross from Friends when her plane goes down and she realizes that she might have to Schwim for it.  Luckily, her plane is being piloted by a Hans who flies Solo on the tank of a broken heart.  They land on an island filled with almost as much peril two middle-aged people can handle.  Pirates, sinkholes, water snakes and inflatable life rafts, oh my!  It’s enough daring-do to scare anyone straight...into the heart of a fond memory.  Love it or Heche it, you’ll have one helluva iPhoto slideshow. 

Noah gives us a rehash of Hecheful hearsay and Dave helps Katie Holmes get back on her feet.

Direct download: 6day7final.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 4:15pm CST
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Let's declare independance from this yuppie yenta's agenda!  Why? Because I Said So starring Diane Keaton, Mandy Moore, Tom Everett Scott and one half of the Gilmore Girls. Diane Keaton is about to turn half a century plus ten and she’s got one last goal before she becomes another tale of the cryptkeeper. All of her daughters have married off except for her youngest and most vulnerable, Mandy Moore. Although she caters cakes like crazy and can sing like the dickens, Mandy ain’t real handy when it comes to pickin’ her mannies. Lucky for her, Diane Keaton has just ordered a state of the art Gateway computer and with her baby boomer gumption and social network nudging, she makes it rain with mom-approved men on Mandy’s life.  Only not all of them pass muster and when it comes time for Mandy to choose between the love of her life and the love of her mom’s ideal find, we realize quickly that true love ain’t no cakewalk!  Several polka dots were harmed during the production of this film.   
It’s the Fourth of July and Noah reveals a traumatic event that happened during the celebration of our nation’s birth. Dave describes what puts the “oh!” in his “o-face”.

Direct download: Becuzfinal.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 10:54pm CST
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2012 is half over.  It’s time to take a mulligan and it's time for celebrity target practice! New Year’s Eve (2011) starring Ashton Kutcher, Robert Deniro, Sarah Jessica Parker...hell, just take every character found on the rosetta stone and rearrange them at random and in perpetuity...and you will have the cast of this epic Garry Marshall-piece. The clock is ticking and second chances don’t expire until after midnight!  A dangerously mindful secretary who works for the Trinity Killer at a record company enlists the help of a bicycle courier to fulfill her list of New Year’s resolutions.  Two pregnant couples are competing for a cash prize to be awarded to the first baby born after Midnight.  A Raging Bull is dying of cancer...and dying to see that ball drop from the roof of his hospital, just one... more... time.  Little Miss Sunshine, (who’s now more “mid-sized Miss Evening Shade” these days), just wants to kiss a boy in Times Square, but her mom, who used to put the Sex in that very City, is just not that into her going out. Two youngsters get trapped in an elevator and one of them might be the Devil Himself. A Garden State pop star hires an ex-fiance to cater his concert...and perhaps fall into his web of regretful groveling, cuz from where he stands, it’s slippery when wet!  Cameos!  Confetti!  Hilary Swank-spanking!  Come turn over a new leaf and surrender yourself to beast that is New Year’s Eve!

Noah doesn’t know anything about birthin’ no babies but ehow.com does.  David gets visited by the ghost of Fatty Past for an appointment in Samarra!

Direct download: NewYearseve.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 7:44pm CST
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I scream you scream we all scream for Ice Queens!  The Cutting Edge from Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-Two stars D.B Sweeney, Moira Kelly and Mickey Rourke’s breakthrough cameo as the Zamboni machine!  Horsey Doug Dorsey was king of the rink until one fateful Olympic hockey goal cost him his peripheral vision.  Kate Irate Moseley was pursuing some figure skating gold until her partner figured she looked better on her ass.  Kate gets a Russian coach who’s been brain damaged by drinking too much vodka made from Ireland’s last Potato Famine.  They burn through many a figure sk8er boi and as a last resort her Comrade of a coach brings in Doug.  It is hate at first skate and boy do the sparks fly as these two try to chagrin and bear it. With the Winter Olympics only a year away and a mysteriously impossible show stopping move called the Pamchenko barely under their belts, these two are going to scold their way to olympic gold!

Noah pillages the Olympic Village and Dave makes a beeline to Dorsey's Penalty Box to crack wise over cocktails.  

May your next Tripple Salchow be a Tripple Salchow-DOWN at Arbys. And Doug, don’t forget your horsey sauce!  

Direct download: cutedgefinal.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 7:13pm CST
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We Bought a Zoo (when we should have bought a clue!) Starring Matt Damon, Scarlett Johansson, Thomas Hayden Church, and Ellie Fanning.  This Twenty-Eleventy comedy is based on a true story of a man who loses his wife to cancer and decides to move his family into a zoo that is about to go belly up. This movie is a two hour Kodak commercial with snakes.  And a fallen tree.  And a suicidal tiger.  Matt Damon, fresh off the boat from Mourners-ville, USA, gets a lot of lasagna from all the women who want him to put his grieving peen in their own personal hairy lasagna-like enclosures.  He falls for the one woman who has no noodle casserole up for offer, Scarlett Johansson, a sullen animal caretaker who spends most of her spare time wearing a hoodie and glaring at him through the pouring rain. Thomas Hayden Church plays Matt's brother and he takes Matt out for coffee and heaps of brotherly disapproval.  Ellie Fanning plays a mysterious orphan Zoo child who immediately falls for Matt Damon's emo-son, who's way into examining the dark shadows of his navel.  Matt Damon has a daughter who cheers a lot while twirling in the sunshine as she feeds a muster of peacocks.  A Bear gets loose.  The zoo runs out of money.  An inspector demands pricey alterations for the zoo to be up to code.  With a post-death catharsis around every corner, We Bought a Zoo will make a bid for your heart.  But Buyer Beware!    
Direct download: zoofinal.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:04pm CST
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Be Kind, be blind! It's the only way you'll ever want to experience Blind Date starring Bruce Willis, Kim Basinger, John Larroquette and Phil Hartman.  Bruce Willis tries to impress his boss by bringing a blind date to a business dinner and boy oh boy this Basinger broad turns out to be quite the one-drink-wonder!  Before Bruce can ask for the check, they're off on a wild goose chase, with Basinger's ex-boyfriend John Larroquette hot on their heels. It's a crazy Eighties race against Bruce Willis' receding hairlilne!  Along the way, we encounter smokey buisness-casual discotheques, a runaway house, carjacking biker chicks and scads of poolside pratfalls. Bruce gets arrested and the only person Kim Bastinker can turn to is her ex-B.F, who happens to practice law during the spare moments when he's not crashing into various small businesses with his car. He offers her an ultimatum: He'll get Bruce out of the clink, if she agress to marry him. By the third act of this flick we hope you are sitting down...or at least near a pool, because Ray Charles could have called it!

Direct download: blindedit.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 6:46pm CST
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Heavy lies the head that bears Larry Crowne. Starring Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, George Takei, Cedric the Entertainer and Fez from That Seventies Show.  Remember when a mid-life crisis meant you quit your job, lifted weights and fantasized about your daughter's best friend as a cloud of rose petals gently showered over her naked nubile bod?  Well, that kind of crisis can no longer work in this economy!  Tom Hanks, a decorated navy veteran loses his job of twenty years in a big box store because he lacks a degree to make him management material. Falling behind on his mortgage, he decides to sell his SUV, buy a pale blue scooter and start matriculating with the other misfits at his local community college. In no time, he’s Easy Ridin’ it with the campus’ hipster scooter crew and giving his charmingly alcoholic speech teacher,(Julia Roberts) an easy ride on his Tom Hanks patented crank!  If today is the first day of the rest of your life, then this film will make it feel like your last easy day was yesterday.  Starting over never felt so stale. Vrrrrrrrroooooooommmm!!! 

Direct download: LarryCedits.mp3
Category:Film and TV -- posted at: 7:10pm CST
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